Browse Professor Quotes

Tomatoes are inevitable.
—Dr. Viggiana, MGT 328
Art historians are liars...
—Dr. Royce-Roll, ARTH 131
As you sit back on a hot summer's day enjoying your carbonated beverage of choice, try to remember that, for the purpose of a calculation, the interfacial curvature of the bubbles is CONCAVE, dammit!
—Dr. Hall; Thermo II; as stated in an email after the final exam
They Morph! Arbitrary constants are like clouds, that's why we call them C!
—~Dr. Gaze, Differential Equations, talking about constants
He should be dead! It's not fair!
—~Dr. Carlson, Mechanics, talking about his father's long (and unhealthy) life.
It is important while in the Tropics to keep your fluid intake up.
—Dr. Myers, justifying drinking local rum-punch drinks on the recent Belize trip.
In the Carribean, it is important to keep as hydrated as possible.
—Professor Myers, while drinking the local rum on the recent Belize trip.
You know if they raised tuition then we could fix this projector. ...or we could decrease your salery... well someone doesn't want to pass.
—Professor Frey while fixing his calculator projection screen.
We can kind of think of this class... like a big group hallucination
—Pere Bode intorducing the Junior Video course.
Marshmallows filled with cocoa are fat and sassy, yes?
—Otto Muller, Geology 103: Earthquakes and Volcanoes (aka Shake N Bake)
We should kill more children.
—David R. DeGraff In reference to a time travel story.
The only good flip flop is a D flip flop. I think John Wayne said that in a movie of something.
—Dr. Leigh
now how in the BLoody BLue BLazes did this get here?!?!
—Dr. Bentz
How do we do that? ma- ma---- McDonald's? McBurger?
—Dr. Leigh, asking students about a law of...
...so what I want you to do is eat a lot of clay
—Walter McConnel, comparing how swallows make their nests to how we should make coil clay pots
oh, we don't have clsas on Monday... Who wants to have class on Monday? It'd be like getting something for nothing!
—Dr. Ostrower in class 9/11/02 thinking we had class on 9/16/02
Tomorrow, Tomorrow we wear shorts and you'll have to watch the glare, gleaming from my kneecaps
—Dr. Leigh, on a warm day
You need signature? Our signature very cheap, it cost zero cents.
—Dr. Wang, signing an add/drop form.
Do you drown puppies? Yes or no?
—Bill Dibrell, explaining how to create a survey on whether people are more loving in Cleveland or Buffalo
Every word is an intersubjective adventure!
—Bill Dibrell, excited about philosophy of language in Introduction to Logic
Ok, let's just make sure I've done everything wrong.
—Bill Dibrell, after writing a complicated example proof on the board in Introduction to Logic on 3/21/2002
ahh, I don't like video games. I don't even like electronics *chuckle*
—Dr. Leigh, professor of Electrical Engineering
I think Bob Dylan is a lot cuter than Bart Simpson
—Emyrs Westacott, Existentialism
It's like taking a porcupine and slapping it across your face.
—Dr. Shelby, CES304, when trying explain what it felt like to squirt HCl on youself.
For those of you that are still awake:
—Dr. Ostrower
There is a cultural phenomenon that is happening in the back booth of the jet.
—Mike Dempsey in "Costume Design"
I can get anything in the world I want? Oooh, guns!
—Monique McNally, Issues & Debates in Contemporary Art History, talking about the movie The Matrix
I don't know what I said, but I'm going to pretend I know what I said.
—Bill Dibrell, confused in Introduction to Logic
What can you do with earthquake prediction? Rip people off.
—Otto Muller, Geology 103
If you couldn't get laid in the 70's, you were doing something wrong.
—Dr. McDonough, "Modern Detective Fiction"
Look at my art!
—Dr.Dibrell, on writing "is green" unusually neatly in Introduction to Logic on 3/5/2002
Breast implants are huge... (10/12/03)
—Hot topic issues
Atoms are really stupid
—Dr. Shelby, CES 304, Talking about diffusion of atoms. 9/04/02
Basically, your data structure sucks.
—Dr Baghdadchi, Software Engineering
Take my word for it; I was only going to come up with some bad examples.
—Bill Dibrell, on deciding not to use examples to explain a concept in Introduction to Logic
It wasn't all 'Leave It To Beaver,' but there was some beaver involved.
—Doc Walker, talking about growing up in a small town
Some people ... they can have a long time constant. <talking about people who are slow thinkers>
—Dr Wang, Circuit Theory I
A midevil shepard with sheep who is blind folded and taken into the sisten chapel and is forced to look at the ceiling, but he sees nothing in the ceiling and is scared shitless!
—Gerar-"Art History Issues and debates"
i mean...no parent wants their kid to be a shaman, right?
—Tom Peterson on "Artists, Shamans and Cosmology"
Ultimately, theater is a drug and any chance to partake is a good fix
—Becky Prophet on theater
We're talking about Cows farting here people
—Dr. Hluchy, on why there is an increase in Methane in the atmosphere
And a conditional box, that doesn't look like a box, it looks like a potato, a conditional potato. Actually it should look like a submarine.
—Dr. Leigh drawing logic diagrams
Hoover was a quaker, as opposed to Nixon who was a fake-quaker.
—Dr. Ostrower
And that was when I accused you of agreeing with me, right?
—Dr.Dibrell, to a student in a philosophical argument
see that? excel can automatically know that you want days of the week just by typing in one day! it works with other stuff too... like numbers.. and like, planets and stuff.
—professor gaze, mat101
Meat, at room temperature, begins to decay, and nasty things happen, like flies and maggots and stuff.
—Dr.Mitchell, in Western Civilization Lecture on 2/10
You don't like my tie? Well fuck you
—Micheal McDonaugh English 101
I'm a cheap little slut
—Dr. McDonough, Short Story 211
Has anyone tried to burn paper with a magnifing glass, inside, at night? Lets try!
—dr. degraff, astronomy lab
Everything on the truth tree's going to die from it anyway; it's already infected.
—Dr.Dibrell, Introduction to Logic, 2/6/2002
Ah, the perfect candidate. <talking about a 115lb student volunteering to the demonstrate a physical propery of angular motion using a stool and a bike wheel>
—Dr Baghdadchi, Physics I
We can't go on, I've just been attacked by an eraser.
—Dr. Gaze: MAT438 Linear Algebra
The marshmallows are sitting there fat and sassy.
—Dr. Otto Muller - Earthquakes and Volcanoes, talking about the strength of the earth in relation to the content of cracks in it.
Ahhhh... no wait <erases something on the board> it should be like this <rewrites, then erases again> that's not so good either... it should be more like this <rewrites again>.
—Dr Baghdadchi, Physics I
ok, so this Panda walks into a bar.....
-- Doc Lancaster
...3 guys walk into a bar
—Doc Lancaster 3 minutes later.
The dark tabby cat was probably saying, 'Boy, I must have been on catnip that night.'...
—Dr. Weaver, talking about C.C., the first cloned cat that happened to be a blonde tabby.
Multiplying the Taylor Series sinx by e^x is like FOIL on steriods
—Dr. Debbie Waugh MAT 120
MacArthur said: don't ever become involved in a land war in Asia. Well where's Korea? It's in Asia I think.
—Dr. Ostrower, pointing out MacArthur's idiocy
MLA style, which is what the english department at AU is promoting, which would be great if they know what they are doing. ... The Devil made me say it! They are capable of great things when they're writing ... fiction!
—Dr. Ostrower
The Turner Jay sitting off the coast of North Vietnam, why's it there? Fishing, good swimming? Pretty women on the beach?
—Dr. Ostrower, on topic of the begining of the Vietnam war
At my age there are 2 weeks between Christmas and Christmas.
—Dr. Shelby
Why do you sit there? You must all be Republicans, conservative Republicans.
—Dr. Ostrower, on topic of students consistantly and voluntarily sitting in the same seats every day.
He understood what Ho Chi Min understood, well Ho Chi Min was dead, but.
—Dr. Ostrower, reading the minds of the dead
hard working college students, can't even afford a new calzone, very good by the way.
—Dr. Ostrower, telling the class they are poor
There's a tractor on the road, I can't draw a tractor. I'll just draw the wheel. It's abstract art.
—Dr. Leigh, on topic of intelligent traffic light.
So I'll be gone next week. I'll miss you, although I know you wo'nt miss me, but....
—Dr. Leigh
Can you, over there, see alright? I think this is the same chalkboard Thomas Edison had.
—Dr. Leigh
Wow! It's the funky yellow chalk! I haven't seen that in years!
—Dr Leigh, at the begining of class
My Cereal is Mealy
—Dr. Leigh, on the topic of mealy type outputs. Apparently this quote was an old cereal slogan? This just proves Dr. Leighs randomness.
You're just in time!! *turns to the rest of the class, laughs and shrugs...* ... after 2 more minutes of notes.. Does your watch work Ron?
—Dr. Leigh, as student walks in 5 minutes before the end of class
Working with buses is the worst thing you'll ever do.
—Dr. Leigh
I'm never going to actually use this equation.
—Dr. LaCourse
One of them took off his shoes and pounded the table, 'We want our students to be able to integrate by parts.' (9/14/2001)

—Dr. Frey
We have to know the size of our balls. (9/6/2001)
—Dr. Carty
I'm not out to make you look any more stupid than you are.
—Prof. Elizabeth Dill, about the midterm exam she was designing
I'm not deliquint, I'm an alumni!!
—Peeved ITS customer who wouldn't pay her late fee.
He is very confident because he has a Sears Polyester Suit...
—Gerar Edizel (Art History 112)
Oh by the way, happy Monday. Even though it's Tuesday, it's Monday. .... But tomorrow will come!
—Dr. Leigh, on the Tuesday known as Monday
You may think it's boring as whale shit
—Dr. McDonough, on just about anything.
You know those stickers with Calvin peeing on the NO FEAR, well that needs to be you.
—Kevin Wixsted, 2-D freshman foundations, during a drawing critique
The Dick is Thick
—Dr. Toot describing how the "disk" of the Milky Way is thick in his Astronomy Lab
They must cooly slow off...
—Dr. Degraff, explaining how comets work-meanin that they must SLOWLY COOL OFF... FYE: Astronomy
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie.
—Prof. Broad's (Sociology) answer to the question, "What is a more?"
Right now, you're diffusing into the seat of your chair. Well, some of you more than others. It's pretty gross.
—Dr. Shelby, on topic of Fick's law and diffusion
L:So what are we doing today? Student: Going Home L: What's that? I'm failing you? What?
—Dr. Leigh
a lot of people understand he's a nasty sonnuva-.... not nice guy, but..
—Ostrower, reffering to Hitler
And that's kinda neat, but the reason this is Evil,
—Dr Leigh doesn't like many electronic things he teaches about, and professes their evilness.
Yes-Cobbler means shoemaker. He doesn't make pies.
—Meg Goehring (American Folk Art)
Those who fail to learn from history are condemned to repeat it next semester.

—Comment by famous American philosopher George Santayana HSH 211
A good designer must know something.
—Dr. Leigh commenting on circuit designing.
Is this your ruler? to Dr. Cook as he goes out the door... Not anymore, hehe
—Dr Leigh
Writes on board.. I hate adders, I like Flip Flops, I hate combinational logic
—Dr. Leigh, expressing his true emotions.
it's ok for you guys to let the glass hit the floor today, in fact make a real big mess
—Ruth King Junior glass demo
it's ok for you guys to let the glass hit the floor today, in fact make a real big mess
—Ruth King Junior glass demo
Most people don't realize there's a silent rq in the middle of the word 'Metal'.
—Dr. Loucks, forgot to put the l on the end of metal, and explained it as such.
It's like that joke from a couple years ago where they'd put the NOT! at the end of the sentace -- (A + B) * C .... not!
—Dr.Leigh doing logic equations
*Pulls cap off pipe, Looks down pipe in high pitch voice helloooooo... hehe, must be the mail schute!
—Dr. Leigh in chem room (meyers 326) playing with things.
They were happy. They were going to beat the shh.. beat the hell out of the enemy.
—Dr. Ostrower catches himself
*couhg cough*, turn around.... Are you ok? .... I thought I heard someone expire.
—Dr. Leigh
I get to believing students and then things go haywire!
—Bill Dibrell, on realizing that the students who told him his proof was incorrect were incorrect themselves (he had gone through about 5 minutes of writing to make the requested corrections)